PART TWO

Just yesterday we unpacked the last portion of this video. To read what led to this, please take a look at this post. Here we finish the responses in the video, dissecting how racist thinking plays out in interpersonal exchanges. 

7. Back in the old days...

I have to be honest, I am fascinated that the younger woman (not the older one) appeals to the 'old days'. While her statement is true on its face- there is no doubt that interracial relationships were not only considered undesirable but were outlawed in the "old days". However, rather than resisting these ideas, she reinforces them admitting she has warned her daughter against interracial relationships. It is clear earlier in the video that this mother is extraordinarily fearful of this idea. She is even crying when she believes she has found a sympathetic ear in the actor pretending to feel the same. Her appeal to the "old days" is a space of refuge, offering her permission to continue the behavior. 

8. Not in my family... 

Distance. Boundaries. Lines in the sand. This is not new. We sometimes think about segregation and even slavery as a complete distancing between black and white. But in reality, this was not the case; it was not distance that separated, it was policing. Black bodies were allowed to wash dishes for example, but not eat off of them. Black bodies were allowed to clean the shop floors, but never handle the money. Black bodies were allowed to come close... but never too close for comfort. This woman has clearly determined how close her daughter's black friend is allowed to come. 

9. But I love them...

What shallow love is this? Sometimes I really wonder what people mean when they talk about love cross-culturally. I suspect that most often, people who harbor racist resentments mean "I know there are some things to love about black culture and/or black entertainers". For example, the logic goes something like this: I love LeBron. LeBron is black. Therefore I love black people. Well, number one thats not quite how love works in the context of racial reconciliation. Appreciating how a black person entertains someone is not the definition of love that sustains reconciliation. Number two, if someone can name the black people they love... LeBron, Oprah and the woman who sings at church- and none are personal relationships- that is a big red flag. 

10. I think they are wonderful people... 

Sigh. I'm going to be gracious for just a moment. I wonder if in this moment, having been caught on camera sharing her overt racism, she is thinking about the young boy who befriended her daughter. I wonder if for a moment she looked beyond her fear and had to make a confession, 'This child I fear is actually a wonderful human being.' And guess what. Its not enough to stop the racist thinking, the fearfulness, the warnings to her daughter, the tears. What good is it believing [enter race here] people are wonderful if you're not willing to challenge how you treat them?  

11. Seeking validation from a black person... 

She asks the question, "Don't you agree?" as she stares into the face of a young, black man. Awful, but not uncommon. When someone is being challenged on racism, this is often a go to-- it's either what this woman did (asks a person of color to confirm the racist thinking) or to appeal to what X black person said, who happens to reinforce the racism.

12.  I wouldn't be mean to anyone...  

Racism is violence. It is violence to others and it is violence to self.  Politeness is not the antithesis of racism. There are really nice racists in the world. Politeness never conceals racist thinking. 

Thank you for participating in this exercise with me. It really is important for racial reconcilers to be able to see the underbelly of racist thinking. The way toward assisting in the dismantling of racist thinking is being able to stay clear as you watch it unfold (or back peddle as in the case of this video). 

Hope this is helpful to you!! And thanks to those who shared stories and insights on my FB page. I love engaging with you all!