It is almost inevitable, the apologies. They come after moving talks or convicting presentations. They fall out of the mouths of those struggling with guilt and shame. The memories of jokes and offense, of discrimination and hate, of turning a blind eye or hiding behind silence are too much to bear. The sorries are wrapped up in family histories, tied in a bow of secrets. 

The sorries rarely involve the two people present. She is sorry for the way someone else treated me- that time 15 years ago someone called me a n******. Or he is sorry for a joke told at his company's picnic. The subject and the one treated as an object never occupy the same space in these apologies. Like lead, they hit the ground. 

But I cant use another sorry. They are of no use to me. 

They are too flimsy to form a foundation of love, trust, or friendship. They are too shallow to offer comfort in the midst of pain, rejection or isolation. They are too weak to provide defense from the next offense. And I sure cant use them to pay my student loans or put a down payment on a home. 

The truth is, they act as calamine lotion, alleviating the itching and discomfort of your own wounds. 

They dont serve me. 

Rather than handing out empty sorries, turn toward confession, lament, repentance. 

If you have hurt someone, it is good and right to confess that sin to her, that you both may be healed. If this is not possible, you can still confess your sin to Christ- those ugly thoughts, those awful jokes, your participation, your silence, your enjoyment, your fear. God is faithful to forgive and cleanse. 

Lament. Lament feels deeply. Far from a quick fix, lament requires staying power. Mourning over the wrongs committed. Deep sorrow over the pain caused. Lament sits in the pain for awhile, recognizing the depth of the brokenness. Often lament comes to the conclusion that things are so awful, so broken, so messed up that the only hope of rescue we have is God. it displaces our ability to fix and walk away; lament demands that we recognize that only the healing of God can makes us whole.  

Repentance is of far greater value than a truckload of sorries. I'm sorry isn't the same as, "I won't do that again." I speak only for myself here, but you need not ever apologize to me again, if instead you will repent, turn from these wicked ways and live in peace with fellow man. Repentance requires far more of us. Repentance requires commitment. 

Keep your sorries. I cant do nothin with them.

~My forever and always thankfulness for the work of the brilliant Ntozake Shange for her moving work For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf from which the line "I cant use another sorry" comes and on which this post is structured.~    

Y'all, I have been avoiding writing this. For days now, I have been unable to get out of my mind that Department of Justice report on how the community of Ferguson has been unjustly policed. It is almost midnight as I write this, so I am going to keep my comments short, but I hope they are received with openness. My hope truly is not to stir up controversy or restart conversations from the beginning. It is my desire only to express why Christians ought to care about the contents of this report. I submit to you that it is our duty not to brush it aside, but to be full of repentance and to seek correction.  

Whether reading snippets of the report, listening to the Attorney General summarize the findings, or reading the entire thing- there is little good to be found in this report. The number of civil rights violations is quite appalling. Allow me to cite just a few examples: 

• Ferguson’s harmful court and police practices are due, at least in part, to intentional discrimination, as demonstrated by direct evidence of racial bias and stereotyping about African Americans by certain Ferguson police and municipal court officials. (source)
• Routine interactions between officers and black residents quickly escalated. In 2012, for example, an officer patted down a black man whose car appeared to violate a city code on window tinting. The man was ultimately arrested on eight offenses, including “making a false declaration” by giving his nickname instead of the name on his license. Over the course of the arrest, the officer accused him of being a pedophile, asked to search his car without cause and reportedly held a gun to his head. (source) 
• Officers violate the Fourth Amendment in stopping people without reasonable suspicion, arresting them without probable cause, and using unreasonable force. Officers frequently infringe on residents’ First Amendment rights, interfering with their right to record police activities and making enforcement decisions based on the content of individuals’ expression (source)
• The Ferguson Police Department used tasers and dogs in excess on black suspects. In 2013, one man was chased down and bitten by an officer’s dog even though the officer had frisked him and knew the man was unarmed. The officer’s supervisor later justified the use of force with a patently untrue statement, suggesting that the officer feared “that the subject was armed.” (source)
• Ferguson police and court officials were focused on generating revenue from municipal fines. The municipal court routinely considered more than 1,000 offenses in a single session. In 2011, the police chief reported that fines in the last month “beat our next biggest month in the last four years by over $17,000.” The city manager responded: “Wonderful!” (source)
• The Ferguson Municipal Court practices exacerbating the harm of Ferguson’s unconstitutional police practices and imposing particular hardship upon Ferguson’s most vulnerable residents, especially upon those living in or near poverty. Minor offenses can generate crippling debts, result in jail time because of an inability to pay and result in the loss of a driver’s license, employment, or housing (source)
• In nearly 90% of cases in which Ferguson documented the use of force, those actions were used against African Americans. A review of 161 such cases by Justice investigators found that none of the incidents resulted in disciplinary action. (source)
• Several police and court employees expressed racist views in emails and interviews. Messages between Ferguson officials compared African-Americans to chimpanzees and characterized a black woman’s abortion as an effective crime-stopping tool. (source)
• Attorney General Holders summary remarks can be seen (here) 

The list of civil rights violations seems to be unending. For this alone we ought to be outraged for our fellow citizens. In fact, we should be sick to our stomachs for these normalized and institutionalized acts of dehumanization.

So often, when we talk of the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's, we all want so badly to believe that we would have stood on the right side of history- that we would have marched, would have protested, would have sung freedom's songs. And yet, here the opportunity stands before us to be outraged, to be demanding, to protest this treatment of black citizens... and yet. Compared to the atrocities listed here, the nation is relatively silent. The community residents and activists of Ferguson once again lead the way in demanding equal treatment under the law. 

But this is only one reason why we ought to be outraged, the other is because this level of injustice is an outrage to God. This is nothing short of an abuse of power, crushing the heads of the poor (Amos 2:7) to line the pockets of the powerful. This "justice" system is being used to steal as much money as is possible from residents, and the spoil of the poor is in their houses (Isaiah 3:14). Using minor offenses, the residents are subject to physical, mental, emotional and economic abuses. And this is done with rejoicing! They love evil and hate what is good (Micah 3:1) With pleasure and laughter, cheers for a job well done and offensive emails they reinforce the dehumanization of residents among one another. 

The prophets spoke against this behavior, over and over again. We have no credibility shouting in our churches for "justice to roll down like waters, righteousness like an ever flowing stream" (Amos 5:24) if we do not wrestle with what is happening in Ferguson and far too many other cities across America. We have no credibility to wear t-shirts that read "do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God" (Micah 6:8)- if we dont intend to actually practice justice for all. 

I'm not sure where we picked up this idea that a citizen breaking the law is the ultimate offense, rather than expecting those in power to not abuse their authority. My guess is its because there are some communities who face this treatment daily, and others who can barely fathom it. But we must. We must wrap our minds around this crooked and unjust system. We must read it and respond in righteous indignation. We must read it and hold our authorities to a higher standard. Justice systems exist because we know that residents break laws. And while this is certainly not honorable, what is far worse and far more unacceptable is for the authorities to create offenses, to over fine, to sick dogs, and to hold guns to citizens heads for his windows being tinted. 

If it were your community, if it was your brother's house being raided constantly, if it was your sister's fines stacking up because there is no place for appeal, if it was your neighbor's child bitten by a dog, would that be enough to care? Because these are our brothers and sisters and neighbors. And we, as Christians, must hold ourselves responsible for seeking justice where there is a system of injustice. 

The DOJ report contains "recommendations" for fixing these issues. The residents of Ferguson are seeking new leadership to establish just systems for their lives. Lets make sure we have their back by staying informed on the progress and lending our support as residents have need. And lets make sure we are staying aware of any communities near us experiencing the same.  

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but white, American, evangelical spaces can be tough for women of color to navigate successfully. The very presence of women of color often lays bare how far these spaces (which are generally not created with us in mind) are from modeling the true—diverse—body of Christ. Much is asked of women of color in these spaces: we are asked to be patient and forgiving, gentle and gracious, long-suffering and kind, present and trusting. But we are all responsible for creating change, so I’d like to shift the conversation a bit and discuss how dominant culture might support the women of color in their midst.

1. Learn our names

Names are significant, weighty, and intentional. They have meaning. Our names are connected to our ancestry. They contain the prophetic hope of our parents. Yet, far too often, women of color are met with disdain, disbelief, or disinterest when they finish the sentence, “Hello, my name is...” Women of color are commonly subjected to awkward mispronunciations, unwanted nicknames, and even outright mockery.

For some women it is simply too painful to have their name butchered everywhere they go. They would rather it remain sacred and unspoken than handled haphazardly, so they offer an out: “It’s okay; just call me [fill in the blank].”

If she genuinely prefers a nickname, that’s great. Use it. But before you do, at least attempt to honor the name given her at birth. We must erase the myth that our discomfort over learning a name is more important than maintaining the full identity of our sister in Christ.

2. Offer women of color their own space

I know it seems counter-intuitive that homogeneous spaces would further the cause of inclusive leadership, but studies have shown this to be true. Consider for a moment how often leadership meetings, Bible studies, small groups, classrooms, and board meetings are all white, all male, or both. We don’t consider these “whiteness” meetings, but they are still filled with cultural nuances reserved for and privileging every white person in the room. If we are to truly honor the women of color among us, we will happily provide them spaces to be affirmed and loved in their own cultural language.

This might be a Bible study, a choir, an after-service brunch, or a self-care group. The possibilities are endless, but you must first be convinced they are necessary.

3. Recognize we are not genies in a bottle.

Far too often I have watched churches treat women of color like genies in a bottle. They are expected to carry their culture deep within, containing it, hiding it, reserving it. That is until the church has a “special service” when women of color are asked to suddenly showcase their culture with flair. After putting themselves on display for the audience to consume, they are expected to become “normal” (white) when the event is done. But this isn’t the best way to honor culture.

Culture is a way of being, a way of understanding and making sense of the world. Culture is a gift that can and should be infused into the life of the church. Women of color who speak more than one language should be free to express themselves bilingually. Women of color should be free to share the musicality of their ancestors more than once a year. Resist the desire to exoticize women of color. Their cultural gifting is invaluable to the life and habits of the church.

4. Stop using white men and women as the standard for success

If you have only had white, educated, affluent, suburban men or women in positions of power, it will be very tempting to compare women of color to your existing model of success. You must reframe this standard. We are different—our vernacular, our body language, our dress, our accents, our personalities, our hobbies and interests, the books we’re reading, the movies we’re watching, the sound of our voices, our cadence, our humor, and our expressions. Even the way our skin tones interact with the camera may be quite different from our white counterparts. Expecting us to perform in the same ways, with the same mannerisms is unfair. You must have reasonable standards, but make sure they are, in fact, reasonable, not cultural.

Be open and honest about your expectations and be willing to challenge them. Expand your definition of what it means to lead well. Learn to appreciate the diversity of thought, speech, and insight that women of color bring to the table.

Want to read the rest? Hurry over to CBE International's Mutuality Magazine! 

Like Whoa. So, like many of you, I have been watching all things Moody unfold. And here is the truth. This happens almost every year at someone's college/university. Moody is not at all special or different in its unfolding drama, only the latest. This afternoon I had the opportunity to talk about higher ed, so its all one my mind now! And because of all this, I want to tease out something important for all of us to grapple with in Christian higher ed. 

We have some decisions to make, people. And by "we" I mean administrators and leaders at our churches and higher education institutions. 

The language sounds so great doesn't it?

We are going to be a place where all students belong.

We believe that diversity is an important component in the life of our campus. 

We know that our students are made better when they experience diversity. 

We know its important for all of our students to develop cultural competencies. 

And there are plenty of references about the difficulties too- to being uncomfortable, to the road being long, to being committed to change. Yes, much time has been spent crafting the language, the theology, the website, the document... and yet. 

And yet, students of color (and often faculty/staff of color) regularly find themselves in the center of what feels very much like a race war.

How could that be?

Well, its usually because people of color believe(d) you. We looked at your website and believed the words. We read through your documents and believed the words. We heard your theological support and believed your words. We heard your MLK speech and believe what you said. 

My guess is its been a long time since someone walked into your institution and had to make the case for diversity and inclusion. I'm guessing its been a decade or two since you first made the declaration that diversity, inclusion and reconciliation matter to you. These students are not holding you hostage to some arbitrary personal desires on their part. Students are holding you accountable to your own declaration. Faculty and staff are holding you accountable to your own declaration. Congregation members are holding you accountable to your own declaration. 

Because your declaration must come with actions, or your declaration is a lie. 

I know thats super harsh. But if we switched out the subject of our conversation, imagine the reactions. What if we promised students good, consistent meals and didn't provide them? What if we promised our students regular chapel services and only held one once a year? What if we told students their books would be in our stores and then didn't order any? What if our churches made a declaration that we were going to pray more and didn't? Study the Bible more and didn't? Do some outreach and didn't? 

We would feel awfully convicted if someone called us out on the lack of follow through. We would apologize profusely. We would appoint someone or somebodies. We would find a budget. We would fix it. We would apologize and fix it. We would try to make it right, immediately. We would plan and act. We would talk and act. We find immediate solutions while building long-term solutions. We would act with urgency and love. 

And yet, when it comes to all things diversity related, there is an immediate reaction to "manage" the conversation, to manage expectations. The preference is to move slowly, find incremental changes. There is a demand for patience, trust, understanding. There is much celebration for the accomplishments of the past, but there is little excitement to create anything new to celebrate. 

And then there is an explosion of frustration and anger aimed at students/members of color who are simply asking for evidence of your own proclamation.  Students are notorious for opening wide the gulf that exists between what is proclaimed and what is practiced. 

Rather than jumping at the opportunity to bring in a new leader, or to make changes to the chapel service, or to add to the curriculum, or to create a new center or department... there is instead a retreat, a pumping of the brakes, usually introduced with the words:  

I'm not sure we have enough buy-in yet.  

I'm not sure the student body / congregation will understand.

This just its the right time.

We have so much that we are juggling right now.

There are competing values at play here. 

Next time. Next time. Next time.  Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. Next time. 

All that talk. All that scripture. All that training. All those proclamations and documents and language undermined because you lack courage for change and remain unconvinced of the immediate necessity for change. 

And student/members of color carry the weight. They go to class wondering if the institution will acknowledge their hurt and pain. They eat dinner wondering if the board will finally approve their center, their organization, their event. They fall asleep wondering if the institution will hold their experiences as sacred as the alumni's. They do their homework wondering if they will ever really belong in this Christian place where they live. They worship alongside their brothers and sisters in Christ and wonder if they will ever truly be considered to be made in the image of God. 

That cannot be acceptable. 

That cannot be acceptable. 

So, there are some decisions to make. Are those pretty words true? Is there enough conviction to to live them out with urgency, love, and faithfulness. We can get mad or we can get busy- harnessing that energy and excitement to support all of our students/members and creating communities that live up to our words.